The Benefits of Vulnerability (No, this is not an Oxymoron)

I was kindly reminded today that it can be very difficult to let yourself go into that space of vulnerability. There are so many layers, walls, padlocks, messages, beliefs, PROTECTIONS, and even family rules to work through and increase our awareness of in order to get to those various places of vulnerability that we hold inside of us.

I’m so fortunate to work at a psychotherapy practice that not only encourages my growth, but values my healing and my authentic self.  I have always firmly believed we can only take our clients as far as we have gone ourselves, and my fellow therapists at Counseling Services of Central Florida echo my sentiments. This common belief results in a place of safety, love, and acceptance. I have been continuously given opportunities to look at my triggers, my wounds, and go to that place of vulnerability to move forward in the healing process. I, too, work hard to create a space of unconditional acceptance that will allow my clients to feel safe and secure in being vulnerable.

What keeps us from going “there”?

There are several dynamics that can prevent us from accessing these deeper parts of ourselves. At first glance, vulnerability can appear to be a very scary place. My clinical supervisor shared a wonderful piece of wisdom with me regarding the scariness of vulnerability: If you are physically safe, it doesn’t matter how you feel about it, just go with it – whether it be a behavior or an emotional response. Reminding myself of this has given me the permission to go to emotional and vulnerable places where healing and growth can take place.

Family messages and rules are another big one. How many times were we told not to cry? To feel? That what we felt didn’t matter and we had to do “it” anyway? Or how about the classic, “I’ll give you something to cry about!” Children do not interpret and store messages like we do in adulthood, so even if our parents had the best of intentions, they were not able to meet all of the needs a child has. And, frankly, it’s not fair to assume that they had a manual to tell them how to do it. But, that’s a different blog post for another day. 

Old coping mechanisms that we developed in childhood may also be the padlocks to our authentic self. As children, we created ways to protect ourselves from various situations – abuse, neglect, abandonment, not getting certain needs met, and the list goes on. These coping mechanisms served as our protections, and they worked! There is certainly a place to honor that. However, now as an adult, we often find that these patterns of protection prevent us from having close relationships, going for our dreams, and connecting with ourselves. They can also result in feelings of anxiety, depression, not feeling deserving, and that we are simply not good enough. Ultimately, our patterns of protection keep us an arm’s length away from others, as well as our authentic selves.

What does this place of vulnerability look like, and why is it so important to be willing to go there?

When we are vulnerable, we are being our authentic self. We are connected to our human essence – we, essentially, begin to feel whole as the parts of ourselves that we have denied, or have had little awareness of, begin to interweave with our conscious being. Whenever our wounds are triggered, it’s an OPPORTUNITY to be vulnerable. It is being connected emotionally with our wounds, honoring them, and acting on the behavior that triggered us despite the fear in an appropriate way. This could be asking for financial help, asking for a need to be met, or communicating from a vulnerable place with our partner about our fears, wounds, and healing process. Vulnerability has many faces, but it all leads us through our healing process and allows us to be our genuine, whole self.

Honoring our triggers helps us connect to the wounds at a different level, an emotional level, and when we are in a safe environment with loving individuals or a dedicated, caring therapist, the healing process can take on forward motion. It truly is a beautiful, and freeing, experience.

When we are vulnerable, we are more likely to get our needs met, a concept that may be foreign to many of us considering what our childhoods may have looked like. At our most vulnerable, authentic self, we are in charge of ourselves. We speak our truth in appropriate ways. It opens up avenues that were not accessible to us before because we couldn’t see them through our wounds. We have the connections and relationships we desire with others. We move forward in a career that we love and reach levels of success we couldn’t imagine before. We access our personal power and start living the lives we deserve.

So go ahead – give vulnerability a try. And celebrate the benefits as they unfold.