The Power of Language: Saying Yes to Ourselves

Over the last few years, I have discovered the power that language has over us and the lives we lead. I was completely ignorant of the pervasiveness of language, the way it continues to shape our lives, our meanings, our purpose, and the relationships we have with ourselves and others.

Language is so powerful it can keep us imprisoned in our depression, anxiety, addictions, low self esteem/efficacy, cycles of unfulfilling relationships, and, well, the list could go on. We can all fill in our blanks here.

On a larger scale, language can keep whole groups of fellow human beings disenfranchised, segregated, discriminated against; language can lengthen the gap of inequity between human beings. It can keep us categorized, in neat little boxes. And when we don’t have the language to categorize, we become very uncomfortable, unsure, confused, and fearful.

Language can change the course of our collective lives and the direction of a nation, helping us to uncover our hopes, dreams, and achieve what it is we most desire. Consider the powerfulness behind the words Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. careful constructed to empower a nation of people to seek justice and promote liberty for all (wo)man kind:

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the context of their character.”

I mean, pretty powerful stuff, right?

As history has shown, at a macro-level, the words chosen by leaders have the energy and the force to shape the culture of our society.

At a micro-level, the words we choose to use in our self-talk holds this same supremacy over our lives and the paths we lay before ourselves. I’ve always believed in positive affirmations, but it wasn’t until the last few years of my graduate studies and actually getting my feet wet in the mental health counseling field that I’ve truly encompassed the depth of this idea.

 “I will never be happy in my life,”; “I can’t achieve that, I’m too stupid,”; “I have no purpose, no direction in my life,”; “I’m so fat and ugly, no wonder I’m alone.” I think I got a little depressed just typing these examples of stinking thinking, but we have all told ourselves similar statements.

Our negative self-talk feeds into our insecurities, our depression, our anxieties, our desire to be good enough but just falling short.

And, guess what, our insecurities, depression, anxieties, need to be good enough, feeds into our negative self talk.

“I think, therefore I am,” the philosophical Latin phrase that questions the state of one’s existence, may also be considered relevant in this arena.  I believe our thoughts help to shape who we are and who we are helps to shape our thoughts. How and where we originally learned this pattern of thinking about ourselves is also something I explore with my clients, but that’s another blog for another day.

This cyclical pattern may feel overwhelming at first glance. What can we do to stop such a pervasive pattern and deeply-seeded learned responses? The beauty in understanding the power of language, and saying yes to yourself, is you now have the artillery to do something about it. I tell my clients all the time, you may not be able to control your first thought, but you can control your second one. In doing so, you are giving yourself a gift and saying yes to yourself, your dreams, success, and happiness. You can open many doors to many wonderful experiences and achievements through the power of strength-based language.

Dr. King, Jr. was the change he wanted to see (Thanks, Gandhi), and even though he faced some serious adversity in the face of ignorance, discrimination, and prejudice, he was steadfast in his beliefs, carrying forward and telling himself he could, and had to, continue forth.

So go write on your bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker and stick Post-It notes all over your house: “I am beautiful,”; “I am a success,”; “I am capable of achieving my dreams.”

And when in doubt, always take a moment to find your breath, be present in the moment, and show up for yourself.