We Could Learn a Little Something from the Zulu....

When I was completing my undergraduate degree, I was introduced to a phrase by a dear friend. This phrase helped me write my admission statement to graduate school, along with my thesis paper four years later. The meaning behind it influences the way I view the world, run my practice, be present with clients, connect with friends and family, and has helped me construct a life I want to live.

“Umumtu ngumuntu ngabantu”

This proverb stems from the South African tribe, the Zulu, and their philosophy of Ubuntu. Loosely translated, the proverb means:

“A human is human through other humans”

The philosophy of Ubuntu embraces the human connection. We are who we are because of our interactions, bonds, and ties with others, whether it be in a supporting or a lead role. In the heart of their community sits values such as interconnectedness, interdependence, and promoting the well-being of all humans. Not only is it promoted, it is consider a societal responsibility to recognize and sustain another’s well-being, along with your own. It’s a healing energy that carries through and bonds generations, teaching the humanitarian tools of compassion, empathy, tolerance, and understanding.

The magnificence of this philosophy lies in the ever-growing connection to our ancestors and our future generations. It’s another way of defining legacy and the impact we have on others. And, inherently, ourselves.

How does this proverb relate to our lives? Think about how all the people in your life have influenced you in some way – the good, the bad, the ugly; for the five minutes they were in your life or the lifetime relationships you’ve sustained. These individuals have contributed to so many aspects of ourselves – how we view the world, how we view ourselves in the world, our understanding of physical and emotional boundaries, our learned behaviors, maladaptive or healthy coping mechanisms, our purpose, our meaning, our understanding of who we are and what we have to give to ourselves and to the world. What it even means to be human.

These same individuals that have influenced us so deeply, shaping who we are or modeling who we want to be, were also shaped by their connections, relationships, interactions. And the cycle moves forward. We are all connected through the lens of Ubuntu.

While we can relate this proverb to empowerment and enlightenment, it also allows us to come from a place of compassion and empathy with our fellow human beings. Even if the continuum of these relationships may not be considered a positive one. Take, for instance, the cycle of abuse. We can move forward in our lives resenting a caregiver, a friend, a significant other, a stranger for violating our sense of safety. We can blame them for the difficulties we face on a daily basis, our inability to maintain satisfying and healthy relationships, for hating ourselves and believing we will never be good enough.

But who is that really hurting?

Not only ourselves, but the interactions and connections we have with others, and the interactions and connections these others have with others….  I think you get it.

What assists in moving forward with this complex healing process is the understanding that the individual who hurt us was also given these same messages and treated in similar ways they treated us. They are wounded, too. Reenter compassion, empathy, tolerance, and understanding; it is in this healing space where the cycle of abuse stops. And this isn't a journey you have to take alone. There are individuals who will help you heal, and as you heal, others innately heal as well.

As a counselor, I find that as my clients start to heal parts of themselves, I continue to heal parts of myself as well. This healing happens without them even knowing my back story. 

In the light of Ubuntu, we are all wounded healers. It is my hope that within this light we all promote the healing and well-being of one another through compassion, empathy, tolerance, and understanding.  This is how we are connected. This is our common ground. And this is where our healing process starts.